Eterna (Brazil) – Terra Nova

For anyone wondering why Christians are viewed with such disdain in the metal scene, this album is a good primer.  Christians make music like this.

Eterna plays a variety of heavy/power metal that I would charitably describe as ‘mind-bendingly gay’.  Unfortunately it’s not so gay it’s awesome like Kaledon, it’s just so gay it’s gay and quite frankly embarrassing.  On top of being gay, it’s incredibly generic on every level, so it’s not even gay and particularly competent.  It just sucks.

Much of the material is midpaced and rooted in traditional styles of heavy metal, but of course laced with huge amounts of queer Europower aesthetic to attract the lucrative homosexual metalhead market.  The riffs are extremely repetitive and revolve around either bombastically held chords or the same three-chord power metal riffs we’ve all heard dozens of times.  The drumming is stereotypical alternation between double bass and rock beats.  Vocals attempt to sound like Bruce Dickinson by slathering everything with a thick layer of vibrato but just succeed in sounding ridiculous.

What’s amazing is how even though the band manages to fulfill all sorts of power metal stereotypes they still manage to fuck it up more often than not.  Half the riffs go nowhere and reach no logical resolution, which might be fine in black metal but not in what is supposed to be glorified pop music.  The vocal melodies similarly lead nowhere and sound like random notes strung together and rarely interact with the guitars on any meaningful level.

This is awful, which should come as no surprise to anyone reading this.  Brazilian Christian power metal is a pretty awful description for equally awful music.  Pretend this doesn’t exist and maybe they’ll go away if we try hard enough.

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~ by noktorn on September 2, 2008.

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